If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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