you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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