I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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