I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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