I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
