my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So here I am, sexting at work.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
