where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Come on in and take your pants off
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