I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Randomize
