I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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