you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
