Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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