i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
