Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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