Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.