I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
