He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
