I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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