everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
