Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
