How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize