He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
