So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
