Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
