a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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