So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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