Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
