highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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