she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
