I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
