She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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