i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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