i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
