You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
