I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
