i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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