I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize