He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
