The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
