you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
