Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
