Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
