How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
