I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize