I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
