Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
