Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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