Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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