I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
is wine microwaveable?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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