How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
