I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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