nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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