3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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