I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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