i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
