I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
