can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
