If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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