Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
