Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
