Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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