i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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