singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
