My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
