we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
