He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
