You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
