that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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