Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
