you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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