all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ketchup is God's man juice
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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