Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
