why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
