Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
