I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
