you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize