did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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