you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
