FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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