the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
