Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
