I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
