Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
