Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
