I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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