Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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