i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Randomize
